Noticing What You Can and Can't Control to Manage Anxiety

Anxiety often thrives in uncertainty. It creeps in when we feel overwhelmed, powerless, or stuck in a cycle of what-ifs. One of the most effective ways to manage anxiety is to develop a clear understanding of what is within our control and what is not. This shift in perspective can help us channel our energy more effectively and reduce unnecessary stress.

The Illusion of Control

Many of us instinctively try to control aspects of life that are inherently unpredictable—other people’s actions, the outcome of situations, or even our own thoughts and feelings. When we try to control the uncontrollable, we set ourselves up for frustration and heightened anxiety. Learning to differentiate between what we can and cannot influence is a powerful step toward emotional well-being.

What You Can Control

1. Your Thoughts and Perspective
   While you may not control the initial thoughts that pop into your mind, you do have control over how you engage with them. Practicing mindfulness, cognitive reframing, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) techniques can help you shift your relationship with anxious thoughts.

2. Your Actions and Reactions
   How you respond to a stressful situation is within your control. You can choose to take deep breaths, pause before reacting, or engage in grounding techniques. Choosing intentional responses over impulsive reactions can create a sense of stability.

3. Your Boundaries
   Setting and maintaining boundaries in relationships, work, and daily life can protect your emotional well-being. Saying no when needed, stepping away from toxic dynamics, and advocating for your needs are all within your power.

4. Your Self-Care Practices
   Engaging in activities that support your mental and physical health—exercise, sleep, balanced nutrition, and relaxation techniques—can help regulate anxiety.

5. Seeking Support
   Reaching out for professional help, connecting with a support system, or engaging in therapy are proactive steps you can take to navigate anxiety more effectively.

6. How You Spend Your Time
   You can choose to spend time engaging in activities that bring joy, fulfillment, and relaxation. Allocating time for hobbies, movement, or simply moments of rest can make a significant impact on anxiety levels.

7. Your Breath
   While you cannot always control how your body reacts to stress, you can influence your nervous system through intentional breathing. Deep, slow breaths can signal safety to the body and reduce feelings of panic.

What You Can Control

1. Other People’s Opinions and Actions
   No matter how much we wish we could influence others' perceptions or behaviors, they ultimately make their own choices. Trying to control this often leads to frustration and stress.

2. Unpredictable Life Events
   Unexpected challenges—illness, job changes, or global events—are out of our control. What we can control is how we adapt and respond to them.

3. The Past
   Ruminating over past mistakes or regrets won’t change them. A more helpful approach is to focus on what you can learn and how you can move forward.

4. Unwanted Thoughts and Feelings
   We can’t always prevent anxiety, sadness, or fear from arising, but we can change how we relate to these emotions. Instead of resisting them, practicing acceptance can help reduce their intensity.

5. Time
   We cannot control the passage of time, no matter how much we may want to slow it down or speed it up. Learning to be present in the moment rather than wishing for the past or future can alleviate stress.

6. How Others Perceive You
   You can show up authentically, but ultimately, you cannot dictate how others see you. Trying to control their perceptions only leads to unnecessary worry.

Strategies to Shift Focus

• The Circle of Control Exercise: Draw a circle and list what’s in your control inside it. List what’s outside your control on the outside. This visual can help redirect your energy toward productive areas.

• Mindfulness Practices: Focus on the present moment rather than worrying about the unknown. Grounding techniques, such as deep breathing or sensory awareness, can be helpful.

• Cognitive Reframing: When you notice yourself trying to control the uncontrollable, gently challenge those thoughts. Ask, “Is this within my power to change?” If not, practice letting go.

• Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that it’s okay not to have control over everything. Treat yourself with kindness as you navigate uncertainty.

• Journaling: Writing down worries and categorizing them into “controllable” and “uncontrollable” lists can create clarity. This process can help shift focus from rumination to action.

• Physical Movement: Engaging in activities such as yoga, stretching, or even walking can help regulate your nervous system and provide a sense of control over your physical state.

Letting go of the need for control is not about giving up—it’s about redirecting your energy toward what truly matters. By focusing on what you can influence and accepting what you can’t, you create space for greater peace and resilience. Anxiety may still show up, but with a clearer understanding of control, you can meet it with confidence rather than fear. Learning to embrace uncertainty as a natural part of life can ultimately lead to more freedom, presence, and emotional balance.