Perfectionism as a Trauma Response and Finding Healing with EMDR

Perfectionism, often seen as a virtue in our achievement-oriented society, can actually be a mask concealing deep-rooted emotional wounds from our past. Many people struggle with perfectionism, believing it's merely a character trait or a personal pursuit of excellence. However, beneath the surface, perfectionism can sometimes be a trauma response, learned in childhood as a way to seek safety, acceptance, and love. 

The Roots of Perfectionism

Perfectionism, as a trauma response, often finds its origins in childhood. It may have developed as a survival mechanism, a way to cope with the emotional wounds inflicted during those early years. Children yearn for love, approval, and acceptance from their caregivers. When these emotional needs are not met consistently, it can create a profound sense of insecurity and fear.

Children who felt that their worth was tied to their accomplishments may grow into adults who believe they must excel at everything to gain acceptance and love. They become high-achievers, workaholics, or perfectionists in their endeavors. 

Perfectionists often micromanage and try to control their lives, their work, and their relationships to ensure nothing goes wrong, to feel safe. This stems from the fear that any failure or mistake could result in the withdrawal of love or acceptance, echoing the emotional instability of their early years.

Anxiety and the Fear of Not Succeeding

For those battling perfectionism as a trauma response, anxiety may be a constant companion. The fear of not succeeding or meeting impossibly high standards can be paralyzing. This anxiety is likely rooted in the belief that any failure, no matter how small, will result in rejection or abandonment.

These individuals might experience intense anxiety before a task, during a project, or even after completing a task, worrying obsessively about potential flaws or mistakes. This anxiety can hinder their ability to enjoy their achievements and often leads to burnout.

Underachievement, Procrastination, and Depression

Counterintuitively, perfectionism can also lead to underachievement, procrastination, and depression. Some people who experienced childhood trauma may develop a fear of trying because they associate effort with potential failure and rejection. They may feel hopelessness and despair, convinced that they will never be good enough. In an attempt to protect themselves from the pain of potential failure, they procrastinate, avoiding tasks and responsibilities. This procrastination can exacerbate feelings of depression and worthlessness, creating a vicious cycle that further reinforces their trauma response.

EMDR Therapy: Unlocking the Traumatic Roots of Perfectionism

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a powerful tool in addressing perfectionism as a trauma response. EMDR is particularly effective because it facilitates reprocessing the experiences stored deep within your nervous system and the corresponding beliefs and emotions that fuel your perfectionistic tendencies.

In EMDR therapy, a trained therapist guides you through a structured process that involves recalling distressing memories while simultaneously engaging in bilateral stimulation, often through eye movements or tapping. This process allows the brain to reprocess traumatic memories, transforming them from emotionally charged and distressing to less distressing or neutral and allowing new positive beliefs to form on a deep nervous system level. EMDR can help you to truly believe that you are worthy and good enough, which will naturally allow your perfectionistic tendencies to recede. 

EMDR therapy can help you to develop greater self compassion, where you can learn to treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and forgiveness that you would offer to a close friend. Self compassion is about acknowledging that, as humans, we are inherently flawed and make mistakes, but these imperfections do not define our worth. 

Understanding the roots of perfectionism and embarking on the journey of EMDR therapy can pave the way for healing and breaking free from pain of perfectionism. By understanding and reprocessing past wounds and learning to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, you can dismantle old patterns of perfectionism and cultivate a more fulfilling life.