How to Support a Loved One Struggling with Anxiety or Depression
There’s a particular kind of ache that settles in your chest when someone you love is hurting—when their spark dims, their voice gets quieter, and their world feels heavy with something you can’t quite touch. You want to help. You want to fix it. You want to say something that pulls them out of the fog.
But here’s the complicated truth: supporting someone with anxiety or depression isn’t about doing everything right—it’s about being real, being steady, and not vanishing when things get uncomfortable.
They may not say “thank you.” They may not even seem to notice. But your presence, your gentleness, your refusal to shrink away? It matters. More than you know.
1. Get Clarity Without Turning Them Into a Project
Mental health isn’t one-size-fits-all. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, anxiety disorders affect an estimated 32% of U.S. adolescents and over 19% of adults annually, while depression impacts an estimated 8.3% of U.S. adults each year—often with overlapping symptoms, different expressions, and deeply personal experiences.
So instead of applying textbook definitions, start with genuine curiosity.
“What’s this like for you?”
Not: “I read online that people with anxiety avoid eye contact.”
Symptoms vary. One person’s depression might mean they can’t get out of bed. Another person’s might mean they smile through meetings and cry in the shower. The more curious you are, the less likely you are to misstep.
2. Ditch the Pep Talks. Choose Presence Instead.
We’ve all said it. “You’ve got this.” “Just stay positive.” “Everything happens for a reason.”
But research published in the Journal of Affective Disorders shows that invalidating responses, even if well-meaning, can worsen distress and increase feelings of isolation in those with depression and anxiety.
Instead of defaulting to platitudes, reflect their emotional reality back to them.
“That sounds brutal. I love you. I’m right here.”
“I don’t know what to say, but I want to stay close.”
Your job isn’t to fix. It’s to be with.
3. Small Gestures Speak Louder Than Big Speeches
Studies on social support, such as those reviewed in the American Journal of Psychiatry, show that frequent, small interactions with trusted people—even as simple as a check-in text or sitting in shared silence—can significantly improve mental health outcomes.
Text: “Thinking of you. No need to reply.”
Drop off groceries. Or soup. Or fuzzy socks with a dumb note.
Invite them to sit outside. No pressure. Just air and presence.
Over time, your consistency becomes something they can rely on—even in silence.
4. Offer Help That’s Specific, Gentle, and Optional
A study published in Psychiatric Services found that people with depression often experience executive functioning challenges, making tasks like paying bills, cooking, or making appointments feel overwhelming.
So vague offers like “Let me know if you need anything” often go unanswered—not because help isn’t needed, but because the energy to ask isn’t there.
Try: “Can I take your dog for a walk this week?”
Or: “I made extra dinner—can I drop some off?”
Clarity. Care. Zero pressure. That’s the formula.
5. Therapy Can Be a Lifeline—but Timing Is Everything
Therapy has consistently been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. According to the American Psychological Association, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other modalities like EMDR and ACT are evidence-based treatments with high efficacy.
That said, people aren’t always ready. Stigma, cost, or just sheer emotional fatigue can delay seeking help.
So go slow:
“If you ever feel ready to talk to someone, I’d be happy to help you look.”
Even just offering to find therapists or sort through insurance options can turn a barrier into a bridge.
6. Don’t Make It About You—but Don’t Erase Yourself Either
According to caregiver research published in Health Psychology, caregivers of those with depression or anxiety often experience emotional exhaustion, and even symptoms of secondary trauma. Supporting someone else doesn’t mean silencing your own pain.
You can say no. You can set boundaries. You can go to therapy yourself. You matter.
Think: “How do I stay compassionate without becoming consumed?”
Self-care isn’t optional. It’s sustainable care in disguise.
7. Mental Health Isn’t Linear—So Don’t Expect Progress to Be
Improvement rarely follows a straight path. Even with professional support, people often experience ups and downs—and these fluctuations are normal.
The World Health Organization emphasizes that recovery from depression and anxiety is nonlinear, often involving “plateaus, regressions, and breakthroughs.”
So when things look better for a week, then suddenly crash again? That’s not backsliding. That’s life with mental illness. You can’t control the waves. You can be their anchor.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need a psychology degree. You don’t need perfect words or flawless timing. You just need to be human—available, compassionate, consistent.
Anxiety and depression try to isolate. Your steady presence says: “You’re not alone. I’m still here.”
At Rise Healing Center we offer therapy for individuals and families impacted by anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma. Whether you're the one struggling or you're supporting someone who is, we can help you find relief.
Sources:
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). nimh.nih.gov